However, I think maybe I have been analyzing this too much, because I find myself so discouraged by my weaknesses and failures. I just want to be the PERFECT mom. Is that too much to ask? : )
I keep thinking about what I need to learn and how I need to grow as a wife, mother, and homemaker before our life changes drastically. Every time I have moments of weariness, irritability, immaturity, or the housework piles up, I condemn myself and start listening to the lies that are meant to discourage me.
So as I work through my spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional "to-do list" I'm going to have to resign myself to the fact that no matter how much time God gives me and no matter how hard I work on my self-improvement plan, I am never going to achieve perfection.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to make the most of the time that I am given to prepare, but God has been reminding my heart lately that there will not be some magic moment when I am the perfect mom and ready for Ben to come home. Jesus will be perfect for me in my weakness. It just seems like every setback or every little failure as a mom is magnified when it happens because I panic and think, "I've got to get that fixed in myself before our adoption is complete." I panic and subconsciously wonder if six months is enough time to perfect myself. Then I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for
Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I've been really struggling lately with weariness. Maybe it's just a cold coming on or all in my head, but I have been really fighting fatigue lately and it's been hard to keep up with everything. I am clinging to this promise today:
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting
God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or
weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to
the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired
and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the
LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like
eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
- Isaiah 40:28-31
I need to remember that it is God who began this process, it will be God who completes it, and it will be God who will cover where I fail. I will be strong in His strength and by His power, not by my own.
So, I will be working on things like cleaning up the playroom, getting rid of some of my laziness and selfishness, getting our days more structured and organized, etc....but I will not be expecting to become Super Becky: The Perfect Mom, before Benjamin comes home.