Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Blog Writer's Block

I'm having some blog writer's block. It isn't for lack of things to write about. There is too much floating around in my brain....too many topics to write about, I don't know where to begin. I got out of my writing rhythm while I was on vacation, so I keep procrastinating blogging.

Part of it has to do with the stage of the adoption we are in, I'm sure. This adoption process is so vague and so unpredictable, I don't even know where in the process we are. I can't stand to look at Benjamin's picture on the fridge and than think it will probably be another 6 months before he is home. Even that is a guess. It is almost easier to try to not think about him at all. ( I say "try" because it is impossible to do this)

So, I think part of my procrastination with blogging stems from having very little to say about our adoption other than "we're waiting" and "we'll be waiting for a looooonnnnnggggg time."

I've had emails from friends who have also accepted their referrals at the same time, asking me if I know what to expect or guess for a timeline, and I don't. I guess it helps to know that we are all in this together. All without a clue of when our "due date" is. It will definitely be a character builder and a time to totally rely on the Lord for His will, His provisions, and His timing.

I must say that as much as I don't like it, I can already see some of God's purposes in making me wait. I have known that this would be a time of preparation, and I want it to be. I sense that there are a lot of areas that I still need to work on in order to be ready and prepared to be the best mom I can be for Benjamin.

That's why I said that I am not lacking for topics to blog about. The question of what do I need to do to prepare for Benjamin has been looming in my mind and I've discovered there is a long list of things, spiritual and physical, that I need to work on. That's the things floating around in my brain, all jumbled up. What takes priority? Some of it is very vague thoughts that I'm trying to sort through. Some of it is some more painful stuff that is remaining from the losses of my babies. There's a lot there, so I guess I'll break it up into topics and use my blogging to sort through it all.

I am praying for an update on Benjamin soon. I've been told, that one of the blessings of working with Acres of Hope, is that you get to receive frequent update photos and information on your child. This is totally rare in the adoption world. Usually for an international adoption, you receive a referral photo and a medical report and that's it. I can't wait until we get our first update. I check my inbox frequently, so I'll share it with you my e-friends as soon as I get one.

1 comment:

Dono & Laurie said...

Becky- There really is so much growth and pain in this whole process...isn't there? I can relate to all of your feelings...I was there with Kojo, and now that he's home, I'm there again with Nyenna and Titus. I know the days of trying to not even think of them....and then the days when they are ALL I'm thinking of. All I know to do is pray and keep praying...You're sweet boy will one day be home...and yes AOH does an incredible job of sending pics. and updates on all children!
Lots of Love,