Yesterday's Oprah Show

Yesterday's Oprah show was titled "Fascinating Families." The middle segment of the show featured families from Matthews, NC who had adopted teenagers from Liberia. I had been anticipating this show for awhile, and invited two of my friends over to watch it with me. I'm embarrassed to admit that I cried through the whole segment.

I guess my heart has been in Liberia so much lately. When I first began researching adoption and specifically adoption through Liberia, I read a lot of stories about those families in North Carolina. I had been a fan of Proverbs 31 Ministries for awhile (The lady featured on the show, Lysa, is the president of this ministry) and I would go to their website often and look at the TerKeurst family picture and just pray that someday our family would look like that. Now that we are actually in the process of adoption, seeing that show just reminded me of all God has done for our family. I love how He works.

One of the greatest blessings that I have received from this adoption process so far is seeing the power of prayer. I honestly did not think that Pat's heart would ever be open to adoption. He tells the story himself about how he experienced a "miraculous heart change." His initial reaction to adoption was as he puts it "not just 'no' but 'HECK no!'" Today, he and I are equally in love with our son and are convinced of God's call on our life to adopt from Liberia. God told me to be quiet and pray and let him work, so I did and he faithfully worked for me in Pat's heart. My bible study leader shared a quote one time and I'm going to butcher it right now and I don't know who said it, but it was something like "It is possible to move the heart of man by prayer alone." After watching the miraculous change in Pat's desires, I am convinced that this is true. Watching Oprah yesterday, brought me back to that place where I thought that this was never going to happen and I had just set myself up for more disappointment. Now it is happening and I am so thankful to be able to follow in the footsteps of those faithful families in North Carolina who opened their hearts and homes to the beautiful children of Liberia.

(By the way, I have a link to Proverbs 31 Ministries on the right hand side of this page. I love their daily devotions)

Adoption Details, Finances, Timeline, and Our Guestbook

Pat and I were talking about how it would be helpful to others considering adopting from Liberia if we included details about our costs and timeline on this blog. I added a list of the expenses we have had already, what we expect to pay later, and our best guess timeline. It is on the right hand side of this page. I read a lot of adoption blogs when we were considering adoption, so I hope this is helpful to anyone who stumbles on this site.

I also added a request that people take the time to sign our guestbook. It would be fun for us to know who's reading the blog.

Thank you for your continued interest in our family.

Phew......It's over : )

I just wanted to make a quick post to say that our home visit went very well today. I am so thankful for everyone's prayers. It was peaceful and nice and the three hours flew by. I must say I am completely drained now that it is over. Our caseworker said that she should have our homestudy completed within two weeks. When we have the homestudy in hand, we'll submit it to Acres of Hope and to INS, then we wait for our approval from INS and a referral from Acres of Hope. I'm totally guessing here, but I think we should have a picture to share with you within about three months. Hopefully sooner!

Eyes Wide Open

Pat and I are working on completing some curriculum called "Eyes Wide Open" that our adoption agency requires for the home study. It is a book that helps prepare parents for international adoption. There are some things and questions that aren't applicable to our adoption, but for the most part, it has opened my eyes to some of the things that our son will experience in his transition from Liberia to home. I find myself listening to noises around the house thinking, "Will that be a strange sound for him?" The washing machine, the military jets flying overhead, the microwave timer, the doorbell. Right now the radio is on and the girls are playing a toy that has Cinderella's voice saying over and over again, "What a terrific gown! It will be just perfect for the ball!" I consider our home pretty quiet and peaceful, but I wonder how overstimulating it will be and how different the sights and sounds and smells will be to our new son when he first comes home.

Pat downloaded some Liberian music from the Internet and a Liberian cookbook. We plan on trying our hand at some traditional Liberian cooking. We just want to get a feel for what life is like for our son as much as possible before he comes home.

It is amazing to me to think about how scary the transition will be for him. I'm not sure what his age will be, but in my mind I imagine him to be between 1 1/2 - three years old. I am reading a book called "After the Dream Comes True" by Michelle Gardner. Last night this is what I read:

Adopting a child between eighteen and thirty-six months of age may be the most challenging of all adoptions. These little ones have hopefully bonded with their caregivers, whether that is a foster mother, birth mother, or orphanage worker, and feel a tremendous loss when they leave their familiar environment.
In addition, they are too young to understand why they are leaving. When children are four or older someone can explain to them that they are going to have a new family. The child won't understand all that is involved, but at least can participate in good-byes. To a toddler, the whole experience is usually very overwhelming and he may seem very sad for some time.

Please pray that our son will heal from these losses and that we will be able to help him through the scary transition.

Last night, our good friend, Daiquiri, came over to deliver the reference letter she had written for our dossier. The letter she had written was so full of love for us and our family. I was overcome with gratitude for the family and friends that God has blessed us with. It reminded me of one of the questions on the "Eyes Wide Open" curriculum that I had just answered. It asked "what benefits will your child receive by joining your family?" I wrote a lot of answers like love, stability, exposure to the Bible and the truth of God's love for him, having his physical needs met, and becoming a part of a forever family and being our son and enjoying all of the benefits that entails. One answer that really stood out to me, though, was when I wrote "an amazing extended family" and "a strong support system of incredible friends." I was reminded once again of how blessed we are by relationships. Our family and friends truly are "amazing" and "incredible" and I'm so thankful that our son will benefit from these wonderful people that God has brought into our lives.

Current Prayer Requests:
1. Pray for our home visit on Friday afternoon. This will be the final step of our home study. Our case worker will be here for about three hours interviewing us and seeing our home. Please pray that the home study process will be complete without a hitch. I pray that we will have good communication and that she will see how much we genuinely love our son and want to be good parents to him.
2. Pray that we will be able to get our dossier put together quickly so it can be mailed as soon as our home study is done.
3. Pray for our son. We don't know his name, but God does. The bible says that He knows the number of hairs on our son's head and knows him by name. Please pray that he will be safe and that his needs will be met.

Thank you!

The Weaver

The Weaver by Benjamin Malacia Franklin
(Originally titled, "Just a Weaver")

"My life is just a weaving
Between my Lord and me.
I cannot change the color
For He works most steadily.

Oft times He weaves the sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Until the loom is silent
And the shuttle cease to fly,
Will God roll back the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the skillful Weaver's Hand
As the golden threads of silver
He has patterned in His Plan."

The lady who runs the adoption ministry at our church sent this poem out over email this morning. I loved it. I have seen so clearly over the last two years, how sorrow has been part of God's plan for me, and that I can trust Him with the weaving of my own personal tapestry.

I can also trust him for the specifics of our adoption. I keep forgetting that He has already hand selected the son for our family. I keep panicking that we should have filled out our application differently so that he isn't older than Amy or I worry that if we decide against adopting siblings, that we'll miss out on someone who is meant to be a part of our family.

Again and again, I am reminded of Psalm 32:8. I better just memorize it. It is quickly becoming my theme verse for this phase of our adoption. Here is an excerpt from yesterday's entry in my prayer journal:

Lately, I keep worrying about how we should have put an age range of 0-3 on our application instead of 0-4, and worrying over the decision to adopt one or two. I give you my anxiety. I cast it on to You because Your Word says that You care for me and my anxiety. I claim Psalm 38:2 this morning as Your promise to me: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. -Psalm 32:8
I keep forgetting that You are the One who started this process and You will be the One to complete it. I don’t need to worry because You will instruct us and teach us in the way we should go. You will show us the one or the two that You have picked out. I submit to You. Please show whoever makes the matching decisions whom You’ve selected to be our son or our sons. I don’t know, but You do and You know best. You know him, You know us, and You know how best to match us. Please forgive me for my lack of faith and trust. I can’t wait to see who he is.

I feel so much more peaceful now. I think Pat and I are both feeling that the wisest thing for our first adoption is to adopt only one right now. We've prayed and prayed, and I think we are both seeing the adoption of one little boy as the right thing for our family. I felt guilty, because I know the need for adopting siblings is great, and I also thought that that decision would be the most noble. I am learning that God has a unique plan for our family and we need to follow that, not what we think looks the best, or what we "should" do, but what God leads us to do. I want to be in the center of His will. Maybe He will tell us differently as the process moves closer to completion, but for now I am going to focus on preparing for one little boy.

Have I said that I'm so excited yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Preparation

Today there was an excellent devotion sent out on my yahoo group. It was on the delays that God allows in our lives. I will paste it to the bottom of this post.

As I read the devotion, the word preparation popped into my mind. I'm always so impatient, but I have been thinking about how much God has used the delay to give me another child for His glory and for my benefit.

Two years ago, I prayed that God would give me an effective ministry. I had just started helping out with Women's Ministry at our church and I hoped that God would continue to use me there and maybe allow me to lead my own bible study. Three days after I prayed that prayer, I went in for my five month ultrasound and found out that our baby boy's heart had stopped beating. Following that loss, we lost three more babies in a row. I had lived such a protected and happy life, I had never felt pain like that in my life.

I've been amazed at how God has used that pain to make me more compassionate, empathetic, and able to minister to other women who are hurting. Prior to those losses, I could care but I didn't really know what it felt like to hurt. I also hadn't had the privilege of knowing what it is like to have God's comfort and love poured on you when you are in such pain. I know that He will continue to use that pain to bring good things. One beautiful outcome has been the expanding of our hearts to want to adopt.

I have fallen so in love with our new son, whoever he is. I am so thankful that God has made me wait for him. And now, as I continue to wait, I know that God will use the waiting to make me ready. I don't know what kind of emotional scars our son will have because of his own personal losses, but I believe that my own experience with loss will allow me to understand and recognize signs of loss in him that will be beneficial to his healing. I want so much to be a good mom to him and to be ready for him. As much as I hate to wait, I know that the time will allow me to read a lot, learn from other's experiences, and to pray a lot for the preparation of our whole family to love this new little one. I've already seen how as each day passes, he is becoming less of an idea and feeling more like the real person that he is. I see it a lot like pregnancy. At the pregnancy test, your baby feels like an idea. The more time passes, he becomes more and more real until you think you will die if you can't see him and hold him RIGHT NOW!!!!
I have so much to learn and get ready. I have a feeling that this year is going to fly.

My Little Liberian Boy....As I'm sitting here drinking my morning coffee and doing my morning devotions, I imagine that you are eating your dinner. I hope that you are getting enough to eat. I hope that you will have a blessed sleep with happy, sweet dreams. Your family is getting ready for you. Love, Mommy

Here is the devotion on delays that I spoke about:
God-Inspired Delays
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

Yet when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days. - John 11:6 Delays in our life are not always easy to handle or to reconcile in our minds. Often, when God does not answer our prayers in the time that we feel He should, we appoint all sorts of characteristics to God's nature that imply He does not care. Such was the case with Lazarus' sisters when Lazarus became ill and died. Jesus was a close friend to Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary and Martha. (Mary, you may recall, was the woman who came and poured perfume on Jesus' feet.) When Jesus arrived two days later, Martha shamed Him by saying, "If You had come he would not have died." She implied that He didn't care enough to come when sent for. It was a matter of priorities for Jesus, not lack of love. God often has to delay His work in us in order to accomplish something for His purposes that can be achieved only in the delay. Jesus had to let Lazarus die in order for the miracle that was about to take place to have its full effect. If Jesus had simply healed a sick man, the impact of the miracle would not have been as newsworthy as resurrecting a man who had been dead for four days. This is Jesus' greatest "public relations act" of His whole ministry.
What many do not realize is that the key to the whole story is in the next chapter.Many people, because they had heard that He had given this miraculous sign, went out to meet Him. So the Pharisees said to one another, "See, this is getting us nowhere. Look how the whole world has gone after Him!" (John 12:18-19)If Jesus had not raised Lazarus from the dead, there would have been no crowds to cheer the Lord when He came into Jerusalem riding on a donkey.
God often sets the stage so that His glory is revealed through the events that He orchestrates. He did this with Moses and Pharaoh, allowing delay after delay for release of the Israelites from Egypt. He did this with Abraham and Sarah for the promised child, Isaac. God granted Sarah a baby past the age of childbearing in order to demonstrate His power. God did this in my own life. He delayed the fulfillment of what I believed He called me to do for several years. But the delays provided the necessary preparation and greater glory that God was to receive. My friend, don't take the delays lightly. Do not faint as God places you in what seems to be a holding pattern. God is at work. God knows the purposes for His delays. Don't give up, for they are for His greater glory; so we need to remain faithful.

In response to this devotion, one of the moms said this, "He has shown me again and again a glimpse of what He went through to call us His adopted sons and daughters. He waited 18 years for me to surrender my life to Him. A few extra weeks of waiting is nothing compared to that." I thought this was a beautiful reminder of how adoption on earth reflects God's adoption of us.

Somewhere Out There

I can't wait until I can pray for my son by name. I don't want him to be a stranger any longer. I don't want to guess how old he is or imagine what he looks like. I want to know him. I will truly be able to tell him someday that I loved him before I knew him.

This poem was shared today on the yahoo group:

TORN MAP
(by Naomi Shihab Nye)

"Once by mistake
she tore a map
in half.
She taped it back,
but crookedly.
Now all the roads
ended in water.
There were mountains
right next to her hometown.
Wouldn't that be nice
if it were true?
I'd tear a map
and be right next
to you."

My friend, Daiquiri, told me the other day that she was looking at the moon and thought, "Becky's boys are under that same moon." It made me feel like Liberia was a lot closer.

It reminds me of that sweet song that the little mouse, Fievel, sang on the old movie "An American Tale" when he was separated from his family:

"Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true"
(written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil)

My little Liberian boy, I am here thinking about you and loving you and saying a prayer for you. I know that the One who is love will see us through and bring us together. I pray that you have a safe and joyful day today. I can't watch over you and protect you right now, but I know that God never sleeps and that His eyes are on you and that He knows you by name and will watch over you and protect you for me. He has a future and a hope for you and for our family.