Sunday, January 21, 2007

The Weaver

The Weaver by Benjamin Malacia Franklin
(Originally titled, "Just a Weaver")

"My life is just a weaving
Between my Lord and me.
I cannot change the color
For He works most steadily.

Oft times He weaves the sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Until the loom is silent
And the shuttle cease to fly,
Will God roll back the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the skillful Weaver's Hand
As the golden threads of silver
He has patterned in His Plan."

The lady who runs the adoption ministry at our church sent this poem out over email this morning. I loved it. I have seen so clearly over the last two years, how sorrow has been part of God's plan for me, and that I can trust Him with the weaving of my own personal tapestry.

I can also trust him for the specifics of our adoption. I keep forgetting that He has already hand selected the son for our family. I keep panicking that we should have filled out our application differently so that he isn't older than Amy or I worry that if we decide against adopting siblings, that we'll miss out on someone who is meant to be a part of our family.

Again and again, I am reminded of Psalm 32:8. I better just memorize it. It is quickly becoming my theme verse for this phase of our adoption. Here is an excerpt from yesterday's entry in my prayer journal:

Lately, I keep worrying about how we should have put an age range of 0-3 on our application instead of 0-4, and worrying over the decision to adopt one or two. I give you my anxiety. I cast it on to You because Your Word says that You care for me and my anxiety. I claim Psalm 38:2 this morning as Your promise to me: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. -Psalm 32:8
I keep forgetting that You are the One who started this process and You will be the One to complete it. I don’t need to worry because You will instruct us and teach us in the way we should go. You will show us the one or the two that You have picked out. I submit to You. Please show whoever makes the matching decisions whom You’ve selected to be our son or our sons. I don’t know, but You do and You know best. You know him, You know us, and You know how best to match us. Please forgive me for my lack of faith and trust. I can’t wait to see who he is.

I feel so much more peaceful now. I think Pat and I are both feeling that the wisest thing for our first adoption is to adopt only one right now. We've prayed and prayed, and I think we are both seeing the adoption of one little boy as the right thing for our family. I felt guilty, because I know the need for adopting siblings is great, and I also thought that that decision would be the most noble. I am learning that God has a unique plan for our family and we need to follow that, not what we think looks the best, or what we "should" do, but what God leads us to do. I want to be in the center of His will. Maybe He will tell us differently as the process moves closer to completion, but for now I am going to focus on preparing for one little boy.

Have I said that I'm so excited yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


julie said...

Wow! You guys are exactly at the same spot in the adoption process we are. The same agency, the same children ages, etc. It was great to read this and know you are not alone

Becky said...

Thank you, Julie! It is amazing how God directs us to other people. I hope we get to meet someday, and I'll be celebrating when I see you've gotten a referral.