Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A Mommy in Waiting

Sometimes I get an overwhelming longing for Benjamin to be home. His picture is everywhere around the house, and the more I study his face, the more in love I become. My pen pal who is in Liberia right now, wrote to me again. She said that she gave him a lollipop and he followed her all around the orphanage after that. She said that until he can come home to us, he is in the best possible place. She wrote that the nannies and workers in the baby orphanage are amazing and are showing him so much love. That is such a comfort to me, and a reminder of my need for patience. We are both right where God has ordained us to be for this time.

I keep trying to guess at when he might be home, but that is a difficult estimate to make. I keep saying, hopefully before Christmas, but in the secret places of my heart, I am hoping for as early as October. A friend cautioned me to not get my hopes set on anything earlier than a year from now, that way I will be pleasantly surprised if it is sooner and not devastated if it takes longer. The hardest part for me is knowing that he is growing older without us. I don't want to miss anymore of his development and important milestones.

I have been teaching the book of Esther to a ladies bible study at our church, and one of the primary themes of the book is God's perfect timing. I need to trust God who is TRUSTWORTHY and wait for His perfect timing. He is not bound by any timeline. Benjamin could be here next week if God's will made it so. It could be a year from now. Whatever is best will be.

In the meantime, I want to use this waiting time wisely. There is a lot to be done. I have a stack of books on my nightstand about adoption, toddler adoption, attachment in adoption, etc. You can always tell where my mind is at by the title of books stacked by my bed. :)

One of the books that I am reading, Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families by Natalie Nichols Gillespie, has a great list of what to do while you wait. These are the things she suggests focusing on while you wait:
1. Find parenting resources
2. Reach out to other people
3. Draw closer to God
4. Pray for your child
5. Raise funds
6. Work
7. Rest
8. Grieve if necessary (over miscarriages, infertility, adoptions that fell through, etc.)
9. Create
10. Spend time with others
11. Get ready!

I'm using this list for ways to keep my mind on what does God have for me today, and off of what the future may or may not hold. I'm really enjoying working on a book I'm writing, spending time with my girls, praying for my kids and their spiritual development, and teaching the bible study and getting ready for a writer's conference that I get to attend in June. There is much to do and prepare for. But I'll take him as soon as you want to send him, Lord. I can be ready tomorrow if you'd like. : )


Bryan and Joy said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We are currently going through our homestudy and already I can relate to what you are saying. I just have to remember God's timing is perfect! And, now I have one more book to add to my pile!

Faith said...

I can completely relate to your feelings! We are at the end of the journey (or the beginning depending on how you look at it) and beleive me, it doesn't get any easier! Praying that the time till Benjamin is in your arms FLIES by!
Blessings, Faith