I have taken Ben's picture off our blog and down from around the house. I am keeping them in my bible. I feel committed to him for life in my heart and in my prayers. When I pray for my kids, I pray for him, and maybe that was God's purpose in allowing us to think he was ours. He will be prayed for as he grows, but I needed to take his pictures away so we could get the image of him out of our minds and hearts and open them to the possibility of another child. If we are going to continue forward in adopting from Liberia, I want to have an open heart to the one the Lord chooses, and not have a picture in my mind of who I think that child should be.
Here is an excerpt from my prayer journal tonight:
"The more time that is going by, the more I am feeling ready to let go of Ben and attach my heart to whomever You bring home to us. I surrender. You choose. You are trustworthy. I will trust You to build our family according to Your will not mine. "