Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I Will Praise You Still

Today we learned that Benedict Aquai will not be our son. His birthmother returned to the orphanage and said that she could no longer go through with the adoption. She took him with her and removed him from the program.

I'm a wreck right now. I shouldn't have believed he was our son until he was on the airplane headed home, but I took one look at his picture and fell in love. I don't know what to think or feel, other than raw pain.

I know that God will carry me through this loss just like the others. As we've gone through losing our babies, God has given us theme songs. The first one was Tree63's "Blessed Be Your Name" and the then it was "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns. Today, my song is "Jesus Bring the Rain" by MercyMe.

I'm broken. I'm hurt, and I feel lost, but Jesus, I will praise You still!

27 comments:

DeniseinSC said...

OH,I'm so sorry. Our family will be holding you up in prayer. Praying that God's arms will wrap strongly around you....Love,Denise

Lisa said...

Oh my dear one, I don't know your pain but God does. Even in this He is still in charge. I am praying for your grieving heart and for His strength to hold you up.
Lisa

blessedmommy said...

So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. We will lift your family up in prayer. May God surround you with his love and comfort you.
There is a book that I would recommend to you if you haven't already read it, it is "I Will Hold You In Heaven". It is a book to help you deal with a loss of a child through miscarriage or still birth. Even though you didn't carry little Benjamin in your womb, you still carried him in your heart.
In Christ,
Melissa Arnold

Christine said...

I'm so sorry! We almost lost our 3rd child through adoption. The night I was told I was torn apart. I'm praying that those around you IRL will understand the loss (many don't). The Lord bless you and keep you
Christine

julie said...

Avella family,

My heart is heavy for your family today. We will be praying for your family....I have been praying for you from the start of your referral. During this time of losing Darius I can feel the love of God's arms around our family...May you feel it too.
julie

amber said...

Becky,
We will be praying for the Lord to comfort your hearts as you grieve.
With love,
Amber G.

Dono & Laurie said...

Oh Becky, I'm so sorry! I'm sure you're heart broken. I'm praying for God's peace and comfort, along with loads of His Mercy to wash over you. Sending you love and hugs:)
Laurie

Denise Nelson said...

God please be Becky's refuge and strength and ever present help in times of trouble. Give her the peace that passes all understanding. We are praying for you and your family

Tama said...

Oh Becky, I am so sorry. I will be lifting you up to the God of all comfort!

jaz said...

Becky,
I am crying and praying with you.
Love,
Jamie Z.

Mrs. MK said...

(((Becky)))

I'm so sorry!! Please know that many many are praying for you, and that God would be ever closer trough this painful valley of loss.

Tanya said...

I am so sorry for this loss. I cannot imagine what this is like for you and your family. We will be praying for you. Tanya

InternationalMommy said...

Becky-

I know exactly what you are going through...I am so so sorry. You can call me anytime tonight before I leave. I will email my number.

Love,Charity

jeff & katie said...

BECky,
OH my! I can relate to the pain, the total raw pain. The heartache. I am soooo very sorry for this loss. Please feel free to call me anytime. We will hold you up in prayer!!! We will pray, pray for God's comfort, His peace, His words of Life to fill your aching- grieving heart and soul. I am soo sorry...
I am learning a whole new level of trust..of complete surrender to our GOOD FATHER,..despite everything. May God draw near to you today!
clinging to Jesus,
Katie B.

HandsRaisedToHeaven said...

Becky, I am so sorry. My heart breaks with you. May God strength you as He gently wraps His loving arms around you. Praying for you and your family.
Blessings, Jenny

Faith said...

Oh Becky, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Praying for you and your husband as you process your grief and heartache. May God give you supreme comfort during this trial!
Blessings, Faith

Traci said...

I am so sorry. We are praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.
Traci

bailliemk@yahoo.com said...

Praying for you Becky...God is glorified when we choose to trust Him in the storm....thanks for your godly example. Praying for Him to bind up the wounds of your broken heart and to make His way known regarding the future.Weeping may endure for a night but joy will come in the morning and I look forward to rejoicing with you then!!
Blessings, Kathi

Campbell's Hope said...

Avella Family, I'm praying for your family as you go through this terrible loss of a son. I know he was in your heart...soul and mind...
Please continue to trust the Lord and know that you have families all around the world praying for you and your family.

much love,
Robin
campbellshope@blogspot.com

Jamie said...

I am so sorry to read this news. Please know that I'm praying for you all during this time of grief.

The Nahid Family said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. I do not know your pain, I can only imagine. May the Lord give you his peace and comfort.

Tina

Anonymous said...

Oh Becky, I'm sorry that you are experiencing another loss. Please be comforted by Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
At times life throws us curve balls one right after another. I know you don't understand why these things are happening. But I'm sure God has a special assignment for your family!
Michele

Scott and Katy said...

Becky,
I am so sorry for your loss. We are praying for your family and lifting up little Benjamin and his BM as well. May the peace that passes all understanding comfort you today and as you grieve.
Love,
Katy

alice said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your testimony. God is faithful. I'm praying for your strength and comfort.
Alice

Jade said...

Becky, God put you on my heart today as I went to Bible Study and missed seeing your sweet face... I didn't know why but now I do. I am so very sorry and we will be praying for you and your family. I was given a journal by a dear friend of ours and this was written in it. I hope it ministers to you like it has to me...Jade

God will never leave you empty. If something is taken away, He will replace it with something better. If He denies your request in a certain area, it is because He wishes to give you what is best. If He asks you to put something down, it is so you can pick up something greater.

Roy Lessin

Welcome to Jen said...

I am so so so sorry. I know nothing I can send can mend your breaking heart, but the Lord is faithful and will pull you through. I am so sorry :(

God bless you and yours,

Jen

Luke said...

My heart aches for you and your family. You will be in my prayers. Keep trusting in God to grow your family in His will, and that He will have His hand on little Benjamin in his life.