Tuesday, October 2, 2007

The Suspense is Killing Me

We are supposed to hear soon from Acres of Hope about the possibility of a new referral. I can hardly stand the suspense. I just don't know what to do with myself right now, so I thought maybe journaling it all out on here might help me get it out and get me back to reality.

I am just hovering around the phone begging it to ring, and then when it does and it is not AOH, I'm so bummed. My heart is pounding, my stomach has butterflies, and I'm having a hard time doing anything. Unfortunately, there is a lot of housework that needs doing but I'm useless today. : ) They may not call today, but just knowing they might is keeping me so distracted.

I am so ready to open my heart again. I will hold on loosely this time until my son is in my arms, but I just want so much to be on the road again, heading toward the goal of the child God has for us. It is hard to be in pause mode. Please press "PLAY" again soon, Lord.


Crystal said...

Becky, I feel your pain acutely as we too had a failed adoption in Sierra Leone. I have been praying for you and may God be with you today : ) Don't give up, Fight for the dream God gave you. In Christ- Crystal Briden

Denise Nelson said...

amen to that Becky! We are so excited to see what God has for you. The cool thing about the new policies and getting everything out of the way before referrals is going to be a shorter wait for your child.

A fellow waiter!


Bonnie Jo Sielaff said...

You are so amazing, praise God for your sweet and pure faith in our living God! You and Pat, and the girls have been in my prayers. You are such an inspiration and tool of witness to me. Thank you for your wisdom, your willingness to share God's work in your lives and hearts. I will continue to pray, and hope to see you to give you a hug soon! Bonnie Sielaff

Christne said...

I'm so glad to hear of your decision to move forward. Can't wait to see the little one God has chosen to join your family. Failed adoptions are so hard, but God will continue to heal your pain and sorrow. We have several children that are in our prayers because we thought they would be ours but God chose differently. We feel priviledged to have even been considered and priviledged to pray for these children we may never meet or (meet again) in this lifetime.
God's blessings all over you!

Welcome to Jen said...

The Suspense is killing me!! I cannot wait to hear about what little man the Lord has decided will be your son!! I am so glad you decided to move forward. Blessings!



Stephanie said...

Dear Becky, I just read your blog entry for Aug 5 about your experience with the book "The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee". I could understand and appreciate and repeat every word you wrote! I am very thankful to have come to an understanding that there is nothing we can do to earn or deserve God's love for us, and nothing either we can do to lose it! It was and is such an utter freedom to have that understanding, and like you- I knew it with my head, but why did it take so long to know it with my heart? Thank you for writing what you did.

Your family is in my prayers as you wait for another referral. It does seem to me that in a situation such as yours, Acres of Hope does everything they can to quickly expedite another referral and the entire adoption process, I will pray this is the case with yours.

In Christ, Stephanie Martin

Scott and Katy said...

can't wait for to see the little face of your sweet little one!
praying for ya!