Just recently, we had a sweet offer from another adopting family that is traveling to Liberia next month, to escort JJ home for us. I was excited about the prospect and contacted AOH to see if it could be a possibility, but unfortunately it won't be.
Even though we are expecting our adoption to be finalized any day now (can't wait for that phone call!), there wouldn't be enough time to file the I-600 paperwork with US Immigration. I guess it is taking USCIS 2 months to process this paperwork, and we can't submit it until our adoption is finalized. Unfortunately, the pre-visa interview I was hoping had happened last summer, didn't happen, so we need to get his visa, too. We can apply for that while the I-600 is being processed. So, I think, as soon as we hear that we are finalized, we are looking at about two months from that point until JJ comes home. Rachel at AOH thought it was reasonable to estimate he'd be home by April. I'd love to have it sooner, but it feels so good to have an approximate "due date." That would give us 4 - 5 months of bonding time before "Cutie Pie" or "Monster Truck" arrives.
I had my OB appointment this morning, and we were able to hear a healthy, strong heartbeat on the Doppler. Thank you, Lord! I'm 10 1/2 weeks along today.
It was a very emotional visit for me. I surprised myself with how much tension had built up inside of me anticipating this appointment. I told the nurse that I couldn't wait to get this over with and then burst into tears. I couldn't stop crying. Thankfully, I got myself together before the doctor came in the room. It took awhile to find the heartbeat, but once we did, it was loud and clear and music to my ears.
I was so relieved and so drained of all energy. I've been pretty useless today. Other than baking oatmeal cookies and then eating way too many of them, I've done nothing today.
I want so much to be able to rest in the Lord and trust Him with this pregnancy. On so many levels I am trusting and so hopeful, but there is a deep place inside of me that is trying to self-protect and prepare myself.
I don't think I'm the only one. Last night as I was tucking in my oldest daughter, she asked me, "Mommy, was it the second doctor appointment when our other babies died?" We talked about it, and I was able to reassure her, but I can tell she is trying to process it all, too.
I need to spend some good prayer time with the Lord, asking Him to teach me how to rest, how to trust, and asking Him to give me what I need to do that. After four in a row, I've been conditioned for loss. I need His help to overcome that deep down place that I haven't been able to give to Him yet. I'm so thankful that He is faithful, gracious, and patient. I know He'll answer that prayer for me and give me what I need to make it through the next few months.
This has become a theme verse for me lately:
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief! -Mark 9:24
Our last two losses happened at 13 weeks. My next two appointments will be at 12 weeks and 14 weeks. We'll just skip the scary week! : )
Thank you all so much for your prayers. They are my lifeline and an amazing gift. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the number of people who are caring so much for us and lifting us in prayer. It is one of the many blessings of being a Christian- the support system and love of people who share Jesus with us. I love you all. : )